


A Different Choice

by euphizina



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blue Lions Route, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father-Son Relationship, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, Gen, Post-Time Skip, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Spoilers for Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), felix is an emotional disaster whether he wants to admit it or not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 14:02:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20761526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euphizina/pseuds/euphizina
Summary: Felix moves without thinking, pulling himself into a seated position while gently maneuvering the other body, hisfather’sbody, onto its side. From there he can see arrows in his father’s arm, his leg, hischest.What is he even doing here? He should be with the boar.Instead he is filled with arrows meant for Felix.The Shield of Faerghus shieldingme,protectingme. Felix fights the urge to laugh.What the hell is this?





	A Different Choice

**Author's Note:**

> 9/30: realized I used the wrong draft, so I edited it slightly

Felix tries to remember how he got here. How _ they _got here.

_ A rider. An argument. An arrow. A body pushing me to the ground. Blue hair covering my face. _

“Felix.”

_ Blue hair that is not my own. _

“Felix.”

Felix moves without thinking, pulling himself into a seated position while gently maneuvering the other body, his_ father’s body_, onto its side. From there he can see arrows lodged in his father’s arm, his leg, his _ chest_. _ What is he even doing here? He should be with the boar._

Instead he is filled with arrows meant for Felix.

_The Shield of Faerghus shielding _ me_, protecting _ me. Felix fights the urge to laugh.

_ What the hell is this? _

Felix begins applying healing magic to the worst of his father’s injuries. He doesn’t have the skill to heal his father’s wounds, only able to stabilize him and ease some of the pain. _And I cannot even do that for long_. Once his magic wears off his father will be dead in minutes, Felix knows that much. He assumes one of the men under his command has gone in search of a healer. Felix doesn’t bother to check. He knows there are none nearby._ This area was supposed to be cleared of enemies._ _There was no need for them. _

“Why?” Felix whispers, more to himself than his father. He still looks too disoriented to understand much. _Why__ did you do that? _His father doesn’t answer the question, but he does respond.

”Why?” His father repeats, a frown forming on his face, “Why...” The frown disappears, replaced by wide urgent eyes.

“Felix!”

His father’s voice is stronger than before. It seems the pain has receded enough to allow him to think, as Felix can see him searching for words. He finds them, his wide eyes now desperate as he looks into Felix's own. Felix holds his breath.

“Felix. Felix, will you - “ His father stops speaking when he sees fear flash across Felix’s face. 

_ Will I what? Will I fulfill your duty to the Crown? Will I protect the boar? Will I die for him now that my foolish father no longer can? _

_ Will I forgive him? _That may be the question Felix fears most.

Whatever it is, he does not try to ask again. _Coward__. _Instead, his father falls silent once more, his eyes resigned. Felix knows that look, has grown used to it over the years. But he does not want to see it now. He finds, for the first time in a decade, that he wants to do something for his father. There must be something, some solace he can give the dying man. Solace without words that, even now, Felix isn’t sure he wants to say or hear. _And we both know the damage wrong words can cause_, Felix thinks ruefully.

Moments pass by and still nothing comes to him. _ Is there nothing I can do? _ Felix can’t help but think it would have been better for his father to die in the boar’s arms instead of his own. Felix knows that Dimitri, even in his madness, would listen to his father. That the prince would cry for him, beg him not to die, leave no doubt of his love for the dying man. _ Chain his corpse onto his broken back along with all the others. _

_ No. _ Felix will not torture himself like this, not now. It may have been a kinder end for his father. He probably would have preferred it, chosen it even, had he been forced to choose. But the only reality, the only truth Felix knows, lies beside him. It is a broken, bleeding body, with hair the color of his own. He is the one with his father now, and - _ Ah. _ There _ is _ something he can give him. Not a lie to comfort the dying, but the truth.

_ I can give him this much. _

Felix takes a deep breath. 

“I...I will do it. What you would ask of me, I mean. I will not do it how you would. I don't even know _ how _to do it. I’ll probably end up making it worse, though no worse than doing nothing like - ” No, this isn’t right. This isn’t how he wants to say it.

As Felix reconsiders his words, he glances down to see his father staring back at him. There is pain, of course, but also something else. A look Felix has not seen since he was a child. _ How Father would look at me when I was hurt or confused. When I came to him crying, telling on Glenn for who knows what. _Patient and kind.

Felix takes another deep breath. _ You understood me then. Please understand me now. _

“I will do it," He repeats, “but not for your sake. And it will not be for what you believe in. I won’t pretend to give a damn about those things, even now. I'm going to do it for myself. I will do it because I_ want _ to.” After all, Felix has known for months now, perhaps years, what he wants to do, what he _ needs _to do. He did not expect his father to be the one he admitted it to, but it is the truth.

_ I cannot save you from death, but perhaps I can bring him back from it. I can try turning towards what has hurt me instead of away. Grant him the forgiveness I never gave you. _

Felix does not voice those thoughts, of course. Instead he waits. He tells himself he will accept his father’s response, whatever it may be. _ Don’t make me a liar_. His father stares off for a moment then nods while closing his eyes. 

"Yes. Yes, that's right. Thank you, Felix. Thank you for confiding in me.” 

_ What? _ The last bit confuses Felix. _That's not what I__ \- does he still not under_\- 

_Ah. He knew. He knows. _ Of all the things his father could have understood about Felix, it was _ that. _

Felix has no time to think on it, however. The healing magic is wearing off. His father’s face is already paler, his breaths too short, the blood that had slowed beginning to flow freely once more. His father knows it, too. He speaks as quickly as his body allows, sending another desperate look Felix's way.

“Felix. I do not - I _ know _ I do not - but if you will let me I - ” He stops himself again, still afraid Felix will not want to listen. 

Felix knows what his father wants to say. He knows he does not have time to decide if he wants to hear it. But just now, for one moment, they had managed to understand one another. Felix isn't sure if it's enough, for either of them, but it is _something._

So Felix nods his head. 

His father speaks. Felix listens.

_ I can give him this much. _

**Author's Note:**

> I chickened out on writing their last words to each other because I’m too embarrassed to share the super sentimental drivel I had first intended to end it with. So feel free to decide for yourself what is said based on how you interpret their relationship :)
> 
> Twitter: [euphizina](https://mobile.twitter.com/euphizina)


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